probabLy i shouLd start picking up the hobBy or habit to write in this diary of mine more often . seriousLy . recentLy i've just found out that me being moOdy and alL the whining about the probLems that have beEn bothering me wilL afFect the emotion of others . i didn't notice that previousLy thou . wtf ! . i aLways thought that i'm not like the others . i DON'T WANT to be like 'them' . they carried their probLems on their face which i personalLy disLike . i wouLdn't mind you wanNa show that you are sad or having troubLes . but acting as if the whoLe wide worLd did something wrong to you is a big NO NO for me . so yeah . probabLy expresSing myseLf here is a better aLternative to whining to friends around me . or probabLy i shouLd loOk for my friends back in MaLaysia where they wouLd not be afFected much by my emotion here . :/

so . . . what's have beEn bothering me much you may ask . welL . . . deEp thoughts about coming over to AusSie is one of the things . seriousLy . coming here realLy taught me aLot of thing . not like i'm not happy . just that the lesSon is crueL . like everyone has beEn trying realLy hard to telL me . LIFE IS CRUEL . so yeah . i do beLieve it now . peopLe around wearing a mask . showing their poker face . o.O . probabLy i won't deny that i do that toO . but yeah . knowing and seEing others are seriousLy making a huge impact in myseLf

i couLd not beLieve peopLe can backstabBed just because i treat other friends better than him / her . it's realLy heartbreaking when the person i'm taLking about was a person where you seriousLy think that he / she can be your goOd friend . why he / she has to do that ? (".) . out of jeaLousy ? (".) . or my attitude realLy bothers that person ? (".) . it is a very chiLdish and imMature act for that person to backstab just because of these f*cking reasons . peopLe who are trueLy my best friend wouLd not do these kind of thing to me ! . there is no such thing as i treat one friend better than another . onLy if you irritate / anNoy / make me hate you so much ! . so think twice before you start backstabBing or badmouth about me ! . peopLe do have their own preference . from everything . foOd -> cLothes -> coLors and even friends . so yeah . be mature abit seriousLy . think . think hard and think twice . why wouLd you feLt that way ? (".) . why wouLd you think that i wilL treat you difFerentLy ? (".)

i, myseLf can guaranteE that if you ever seE a difFerence in me or the way i act . it's you . you are the one who changed me ! . i'm not trying to put the bLame on others . but trueLy i onLy changed my attitude when the person did something bad / anNoys / irritates me ! . so think again . . . what have you done to me ? (".) . what's the bigGest nightmare you have given to me ? (".)

x signing ofF with broken heart x